This week’s Torah portion is called Hukat – ‘ritual law’. It denotes laws for which there is no rational explanation. What ensues is a detailed description of the ritual of the red heifer, which is ritually slaughtered and burned and its ashes used in a red-colored concoction that is then used to purify anyone who comes into contact with a dead body.
It quickly becomes clear why this ritual is described at this point, as the very next thing we read is of the death of Miriam. Nothing is said of any mourning on her behalf, but just the fact that her death and burial place are mentioned shows her importance. Of all the other women in the Torah, only Sarah, Rachel, and Rebekah’s nurse Deborah, have their deaths and burials recorded. Later in this parashah, Aaron dies and is mourned by the whole community for thirty days. When Moses dies at the end of Deuteronomy, he, too, will be mourned for thirty days.
Death today is as mysterious to us as it was to our ancestors. While we no longer engage in these ancient purification rituals, we have developed rituals of our own to help us move through grief and mourning. Jewish tradition recognizes that mourning goes through stages of intensity, but takes time, and so we devote a year (or eleven months) to these stages, beginning with seven days of shiva, then the next 23 days to make up the period of shloshim (thirty), in emulation of our Biblical ancestors, and then the rest of the year reciting Kaddish for our loved one.
Recognizing that mourning does not magically end at the end of the official year of mourning, we continue to honor our loved ones each year at the anniversary of their death, at their yahrzeit. Thus we see the wisdom of our ancestors who understood that grief cannot be rushed, and that we continue to carry the memories of our loved ones with us, throughout our lives.
-Rabbi Bonnie Margulis
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