The story of our Patriarchs and Matriarchs continues in this week’s Torah portion, Tol'dot, which relates the beginning of the story of the rivalry between Esau and Jacob. Enmity between them started even before birth, but was solidified by Jacob’s trickery in getting Esau to sell his birthright and then colluding with his mother to usurp Esau’s right to the eldest son’s blessing. Tradition exonerates Jacob, seeing Esau as a stand-in for Rome that had oppressed and exiled Jews in Judea and destroyed the Second Temple.
I think it is fitting that this story of family disfunction occurs as we approach the Thanksgiving holiday. While our Norman Rockwell picture of a joyful family gathering is what we all hope to experience, for many of us this holiday is fraught with anxiety. We wonder - what can we talk about and what can we not, will our Thanksgiving dinner be filled with laughter and thankfulness at being together, or will there be arguments and rehashing of old grudges and disagreements?
Our Patriarchs and Matriarchs are, ironically, models of family disfunction, from Isaac and Ishmael, to Jacob and Esau, and Joseph and his brothers. But in each case, no matter how deep the enmity, no matter how egregious the actions that began and perpetuated dislike and distrust, reconciliation always came at the end. Isaac and Ishmael came together to bury their father and mourn him together. Esau and Jacob reconciled after a 20-year cooling off period, and Joseph and his brothers came together in the end in the spirit of mutual forgiveness.
As we gather around our Thanksgiving tables this week, let us resolve to follow the example of our ancestors, to put aside differences, to forgive past acts, to move forward with love - because family ties transcend any other considerations.
Have a joyful Thanksgiving! -Rabbi Bonnie Margulis